Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Size Zero- Isn’t that the latest trend? Then why does the world keep mocking me for being one. I’m really skinny I know , but when I am comfortable in my skin why do other people have to bother.I never go around telling them about their bulging tummies, their “mature for their age” looks, their wrinkles and their increasing waist sizes ,then why I don’t understand are they so concerned about me? I think they are jealous!!! :) Well I hear comments like.-“Hold on to something the wind will blow you off” or “you are so thin I think you’ll fall if I blow at you” or “why don’t you eat ,you really need to” or “I’m sure you shop at the kids section at the garments store” or “you look terminally ill” “You are really 23?????” or “ I think that bag (about a kg or two) “is too heavy for you etc etc. Although I take everything with a pinch of salt and maybe mock myself at times but I do all that because I can’t control their tongues so I’d rather control my reactions to what they say. I have become used to such derogatory remarks but yes sometimes it does hurt. I don’t know why thin people are stereotyped as weak. I just don’t know. Once I walked into an interview and the first question that the panellist asked me was- “So Swati did you have lunch?” I said that I did. Then they said- “but you look weak”. To which my instant reply was “I am thin not weak”. While they appreciated my reply I thought to myself –“how can people like them with such major stereotypes make unbiased and fair selection.

I have been skinny all my life but I eat as much as other girls of my age (actually I can eat all I want without worrying about becoming fat), I wear clothes from normal adult section,maybe a small size , I am more energetic than them ,and most of all I look younger than my actual age. I don’t see anything wrong in that. If people think being thin is equivalent to being weak then I would like to put some facts before them. I have 100% attendance in almost all my trimesters .I have attended various nature camps without falling ill, I have won prizes for marching in the hot North India sun when other girls (healthy ones)of my group were fainting from the heat. I was among the first few to reach the top of the hill when the college went for outbound training and I am very capable of picking heavy loads when the healthy people start panting at a small load and need porters. I think the people who mock me for being thin are those who want to be like me but have failed at their attempts( grapes are sour) or they are those insensitive sadistic people who derive pleasure from mocking other .Either one. But no matter how their tongue works I would like to remain in my supermodel figure and not change it just because some people don’t like it. I would tell all the people who mock thin people that mocking always hurts not only the one who is being mocked but also you as it reveals your insecurity of being out of shape. Learn to appreciate people for who they are and don’t judge a book by its cover.


(I’m sorry to the readers if the post sounds harsh in anyway. Kindly acknowledge the feelings behind it and the my pain of being mocked for something beyond my control-The way I look)

Monday, April 5, 2010


One of my biggest fears is the fear of crossing roads. The mere thought of crossing the road gives me a bad feeling in my stomach and for a dromophobic like me, Bangalore traffic is the worst to encounter. I live in the Campus of Christ University Bangalore. The campus is vast, green and peaceful. Till you are within the limits of the campus you will feel as though you are in a quiet town but the moment you step out of the main gate the dairy circle traffic is zooming past with deafening noises of honking horns and speeding bikes with and without their silencers. Monster like buses which stop anywhere they want and park so close to the pavement (the little that there is of it) that the pedestrians can be run over any time if they are not careful or if god is not with them. Amidst all this, since there is no U turn for a kilometre every time I need to go the opposite direction I need to cross the road, when I want to go to my favourite-The Forum Mall ,I need to cross the road, when I have to get food packed from a nearby restaurant, I need to cross the road. In order for me to cross the road I need it literally empty. As that is nearly impossible, I wait for 10-15 minutes when I find a few seconds when there’s no traffic for 10-15 meters or so and I attempt a sprint only to reach the divider and then wait there another fifteen minutes to cross finally to the other side with a pounding heart and high BP .To top up the misery some “lafangas “somehow come and stand on both sides while I’m on the divider. I guess they find me as a weak target observing my struggle to cross the roads.

Some of my friends have been very helpful -holding my hand and making me cross the road just as they would help a blind man. Somehow it makes me feels that God is on purpose trying to mock me by locating every nice place on the other side of the road. Not being able to cross the road infuriates me even more when all others attempting to do so, do it so quickly and I see all of them on the other side with a blink of an eyelid when I still remain frozen on one side waiting for the forever busy Bangalore traffic to make way for me. I feel like walking with a stop sign so that I can hold it in front of the drivers who are totally inconsiderate about pedestrians like me. Just because they are on wheels doesn’t make them own the roads. Another thing that complicates the road crossing exercise for me is the slow moving vehicles. I’ll find a slow moving vehicle and attempt to cross the road when suddenly the driver will have a burst of energy and as soon as I step on the road the vehicle will speed up forcing me to step back and save my life. Then there are those wretched auto wala’s and truck drivers who have no sense of parking and park right in front of my face when I am trying to watch the road to find an escape. Since they block my view I lose a golden opportunity and then wait another 15 minutes for a turn. Oh crossing roads is dreadful for me.I hope some people will be able to understand my plight. I just wish there was a subway or over bridge (fear of heights is another fear) but it would still make my life better but for as now I’m trying to enjoy this life-threatening adventure everyday